Title: The Local

The bar
F/X: Cash register.
Barmaid: What can I get you?
Alex: A Coke please and make it a large one.
Mike: Hey, Al!
Alex: Oh no, can my life get any worse?
Barmaid: Mine has just gotten better.
Mike: I don't normally see you in here, what can I get you?
Alex: It's o.k. thanks, I'll get my own.
F/X: Pat on the back.
Mike: Don't be daft, come on what you having?
Alex: (Sighs) o.k. I'll have a Coke please and make it a large one.
Mike: Wow! You're going all out tonight aint you.
Alex: yeah.
Mike: Holy mother of'
F/X: Falling off chair.
F/X: Hands on the table to help himself up.
Alex: You o.k.?
Mike: Yeah, I just thought I saw some ugly bird with snot running down her nose as quick as the Niagara Falls.
Barmaid: Hi
Mike: oh, I did.
Barmaid: What can I get you?
Mike: Erm, a pint of lager for me and for Al'
Alex: It's Alex. (Interrupts)
Mike: What?
Alex: My name is Alex.
Mike: That's what I said, Al.
Alex: Al-ex.
Mike: I thought your last name was Jones.
Alex: Grrrrrr, why are you such an idiot?
Mike: Calm down, why don't you just go and find a seat and I'll bring the drinks over.
(Pause)
Sorry about that.
Barmaid: I don't mind how long you stay at the bar for. It just means you're closer to me for longer.
Mike: Yeah, just get me my pint of lager and a pint of Coke'and hurry up about it. (Under his breath).
Barmaid: Pardon?
Mike: I said when you're ready.
F/X: lager and drink pouring into a glass.
F/X: Glass gets placed on the bar.
F/X: Snot dripping into one of the drinks.
Mike: Oh that's disgusting.
Barmaid: What is, what did I do?
Mike: It doesn't matter it didn't go in my drink anyway and it's only Al.
Barmaid: O.K. Is that all?
Mike: Stick a bit of Vodka in the Coke.
F/X: Vodka pouring the Glass of Coke.
F/X: Drinks be served.
F/X: Cash Register.
Barmaid: That will be four eighty.
F/X: Change being placed onto the bar.
(Pause)
F/X: Change being placed onto the bar.
Mike: What are you looking at?
Barmaid: The gorgeous man that is in front of me.
Mike: Al' Al-ex.
Alex: close enough I suppose. What?
Mike: You got a fiver on you.
Alex: What for?
Mike: The drinks.
Alex: I thought you said you were getting them.
Mike: I'll give you the money back in a minute.
Barmaid: Why don't we just forget about the money and me and you have a night out sometime.
Mike: Sorry I'm busy on that day.
Barmaid: I didn't even say what day.
Mike: I meant I would love to go out with you, but I'm married.
Barmaid: Oh, forget I said anything then.
Mike: Gladly (underneath his breath).
F/X: Cash Register.
F/X: Change getting put back in Mike's pocket.
Sitting Down
F/X: Glass on the table.
F/X: Chair getting pulled out from underneath a table.
Mike: What actually brings you here tonight?
F/X: Chair getting tucked back in.
Alex: It's a bit of a sad story.
Mike: Come on then let's hear it.
Alex: It's about my Girlfriend; she took my love and ran around with some other guy in town.
Mike: I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
Alex: yeah I've been going out with her for about a year.
Mike: how come I've never seen her around yours before?
Alex: She just never wanted to come around mine.
Mike: oh so you went around hers.
Alex: no.
Mike: So what did you do?
Alex: Just went to fancy restaurants, holidays and for some reason when I tried to get into bed with her at night she would kick me out, so I would go and sleep in the other room.
Mike: You mean you have never slept together, even once.
Alex: No.
Mike: Haha. God she must have been after more than just you then.
Alex: It's funny you should say that because once I stopped buying her things and going out she broke up with me.
Mike: Haha. Just out of curiosity what's her name?
Alex: Sue.
F/X: Spits some of his beer over Alex.
Alex: Thank for that.
Mike: I'm sorry I just thought you said her name was Sue.
Alex: I did say Sue, why do you know her?
Mike: last name Carter?
Alex: Yeah.
Mike: No, I have never done anything with a Sue Carter.
Alex: I never said you did.
Mike: Good because I don't even know a Sue, nope, nope, nope.
(pause)
Mike: Anyway, do you want another drink.?
Alex: No, I've not even started my other one yet.
Mike: Go on and this time I'll get you a lager.
Alex: I'm fine thanks, besides I can't have any alcohol because if I have the slightest bit I do some embarrassing things that I'd regret in the morning.
Mike: I'll look after you.
Alex: Ah!
Mike: What, do you not trust me or something?
Alex: Let me think'No.
Mike: Fair enough I'll just get my own drink.
F/X: Mike standing up and the chair pulling out from underneath the table.
Mike: I tell you what, why don't you go up this time. The new barmaid scares me and I think she fancies me.
Alex: I'm surprised I haven't heard you bring her home yet.
Mike: No need to be like that, anyway I have very high standards. I'll be right back I need the toilet, don't forget go to the bar and get me my drink.
Alex: Have you got that fiver you owe me?
Mike: You don't forget a thing you do you.
F/X: Change being placed onto the table.
(Pause)
F/X: Change being placed onto the table.
F/X: Alex standing up and the chair pulling out from underneath the table.
F/X: Alex walking to the bar.

The Bar
F/X: Cash Register.
Barmaid: What can I get you?
Alex: A pint of lager please.
F/X: Lager pouring into the glass.
Barmaid: where's your friend gone.
Alex: Friend? You mean Mike, he's not my friend, I actually find him really irritating.
F/X: Pint being placed onto the bar.
Barmaid: why, what makes him irritating?
Alex: he can't get my name right for a start.
Barmaid: You seem to get on so well.
Alex: That's because I can be nice when I need to be.
Barmaid: Well I'd love to have a bit of him.
Alex: so why don't you, he seems to have had every other woman.
Barmaid: he told me he's married.
Alex: Married, Ha! I hear him coming back home every night with a different woman and hearing other things I really don't want to' very thin walls, even ear plugs don't work.
Barmaid: I'll be back in a minute.
F/X: walking to the toilets.
Alex: You going to go for it this time?
Barmaid: Yeah and this time I am not going to take a no or any of his excuses.
Alex: what about paying for the drink?
Barmaid: it's on the house.
Alex: Hahaha. Poor guy I wouldn't like to be in his shoes. I almost feel sorry for him.
(Pause)
Almost. (Sarcastically)

episode 1 part 2