Title: The Local

Mikes Home
Mike: Sue you need to get up and leave.
Sue: No, l don't want to go. (Tired)
Mike: I said'
SFX: Covers being pulled off Sue.
Mike: You need to get up and leave.
SFX: Phone ringing downstairs.
SFX: Mike coming down the stairs.
SFX: Mike picking up the phone.
Mike: Hello'
SFX: Somebody on the other side. (Speech speeded up)
Mike: No you can't have a number 3 and a 6 with a side order of chips.
SFX: Somebody on the other side. (Speech speeded up)
Mike: Why not? Because we're not a Chinese that's why not.
SFX: Slamming the phone down.
Mike: Sue!
SFX: Coming down the stairs.
Sue: I'm coming.
(Pause)
Why do you want me to leave so quick anyway, are you working or something?
Mike: yeah that's it.
Sue: Why are you working so late on a Friday night?
Mike: Boss wants me in; he said it's an emergency.
Sue: You never told me what you did.
Mike: Did I not?
Sue: No.
Mike: Shame bye.
SFX: Door shutting.
Mike: Thank god for that.
SFX: Letter box opening.
Sue: There's my number give me a call sometime.
Mike: Will do.
SFX: Letter box closing.
Mike: Not.
SFX: Scrupling some paper up.
SFX: Throwing paper in the bin.
SFX: Phone ringing.
SFX: Mike picking up the phone.
Mike: Hello'
SFX: Somebody on the other side. (Speech speeded up)
Mike: No we aint a burger bar neither.
SFX: Slams the phone down.

The bar
SFX: Cash register.
Barmaid: What can I get you?
Alex: A Coke please and make it a large one.
Mike: Hey, Al!
Alex: Oh no, can my life get any worse?
Barmaid: who's that?
Alex: Mike is my next door neighbour and he thinks I am his mate, when I actually find him really irritating.
Barmaid: why, what makes him irritating?
Alex: he can't get my name right for a start
Mike: I don't normally see you in here, what can I get you?
Alex: It's o.k. thanks, I'll get my own.
SFX: Pat on the back.
Mike: Don't be daft, come on what you having?
Alex: (Sighs) o.k. I'll have a Coke please and make it a large one.
Mike: Wow! You're going all out tonight aint you.
Barmaid: Hi, what can I get you?
Mike: Erm, a pint of lager for me and for Al'
Alex: It's Alex. (Interrupts)
Mike: What?
Alex: My name is Alex.
Mike: That's what I said, Al.
Alex: Al-ex.
Mike: I thought your last name was Jones.
Alex: Grrrrrr, why are you so stupid.
Mike: Calm down, why don't you just go and find a seat and I'll bring the drinks over.
(Pause)
Sorry about that.
Barmaid: Its o.k' so a pint of lager for you and a coke for your mate.
SFX: lager and drink pouring into a glass.
SFX: Glass gets placed on the bar.
Barmaid: Is that all?
Mike: yeah, that's it thanks.
SFX: Cash Register.
Barmaid: That will be three eighty.
SFX: Change being placed onto the bar.
(Pause)
SFX: Change being placed onto the bar.
Barmaid: I'll tell you what the drinks are on me, I don't want all of them pennies. You can make up for it by taking me out n a date sometime.
Mike: Sorry I'm busy on that day.
Barmaid: I didn't even say what day.
Mike: I know, it's just I'm always traveling so won't have time.
Barmaid: Oh, forget I said anything then.
Mike: Gladly (underneath his breath).
SFX: Cash Register.
SFX: Change getting put back in Mike's pocket.
SFX: footsteps
Mike: Works everytime.

Sitting Down
SFX: Glass on the table.
SFX: Chair getting pulled out from underneath a table.
Mike: What actually brings you here tonight?
SFX: Chair getting tucked back in.
Alex: Just for something to do.
Mike: what's with the coke?
Alex: I don't need to drink alcohol for something to do.
Mike: ok, I get the point.
Alex: Besides I can't have any alcohol, because if I have the slightest bit I do some embarrassing things that I'd regret in the morning.
Mike: yeah ok.
SFX: Alex drinking is coke all in one go.
Mike: You drank that quick, do you want another?
Alex: No its o.k. I need to get home anyway.
Mike: Yeah I'm going to get off soon before the new barmaid asks me out on a date again.
Alex: New barmaid, what happened to the other?
Mike: It's a sad story.
Alex: Go on then let's hear it.
Mike: She got run over by a road sweeper.
Alex: oh that is a shame, anyway I'm off bye.
Mike: Yeah see you soon.
Alex: Hopefully not any time soon. (Under his breath)